Today I am taken back
To the days when I was ten years old
I see the heat rising in waves
From the black top that feels as if
It will melt my flip flops.
The sun burns my skin
And I am red and freckled
My hair is bleached blonder
From sun and salt water
It feels too hot on my head.
I drink a lot of water
But it's lukewarm now
And doesn't refresh my throat.
We walk to the family car
The seats are very hot,
The vinyl upholstery
Is not comfortable
Even through covered
By my old, beach towel.
The inside of the car is stifling
Even with all the windows open
And air rushing in as we drive away
From the beach.
I want to stay and swim more
But I know it's time
We must go home for dinner
And a rinse off with the hose.
Later, as cicadas chirp
And darkness comes
I will go to bed but will not sleep
Because the upstairs bedroom
In Grandma's house where we live
Is as hot as noontime
With no breeze
And my skin is hot with sunburn.
I will not sleep easily, or well.
~KBW,June 1, 2011
She hated grade school and high school. She was one of those kids who had a struggle with her weight and some of her peers weren't very nice about it. It didn't help her desire to attend school with them. Her self esteem was low, as it is with most kids of that age, but no amount of parental encouragement could over-ride the words of classmates.
She was a smart child. If she walked into the classroom and breathed, she'd learn something, without making any effort. She did learn well, but she did not exercise a muscle to let anyone know it. That, too, was partly peer pressure. She used to tell me that she didn't want everyone to call her a 'nerd'. She didn't bring a book home, I don't know if she did her homework, or even if she had any! Nothing we did could encourage that girl to do her best at school.
I remember those days of middle and high school. It's such a hard time, trying to figure out who you are, what you want to do with your life, as you try to mentally keep up with the changes your body is undergoing. If that isn't enough, you are more aware at that age than you were in grade school, that other kids are 'better' than you are, have more than you do, are more popular than you are.
All that aside, she graduated, somehow, with her class. After that, she went to work at delis, at the movie theater, babysitting....wherever she could find work. She had no interest in going to college, though I was sure she pull off the studies. She worked hard at her jobs and was put into positions of authority at some of them.
In 1996, her older sister, the one who would be a life-long student if given the chance, had a number of talks with her and finally got through to her. The next thing I knew, the two of them had hatched the plan that when the older one returned to New Paltz college in the fall, the younger one would go as well. They'd share an apartment, and the 'sage' would guide the 'newbie' through the loopholes of higher education and all that goes with it. Sounded like a good idea.
It didn't work out quite that way. Sometimes other things happen in life to sway our plans and they did. Over the years, she worked and financially struggled. She became the mother of two little girls, and she ended up raising them alone, with some help from her family, but mostly alone. One day the light dawned. She needed to do something to make a better life for herself and her babies.
She enrolled in the community college. She continued to work full-time and carried a full time schedule of classes. We all chipped in to help with child care so that she could get her education.
The load was too heavy for her, both time-wise and financially. She cut back to part time. After doing that for awhile, she completed what she was taking that semester, and then she didn't re-register.
The time came when she determined that she wanted to finish and get her degree. She signed up to take a part time schedule, one class here, one there, sometimes on campus, sometimes on line.
It's taken her nearly ten years, but she's finished and graduated, with a 4.0 ! I knew she could do it, if she set her sites on her goal. She's a determined, hard worker, with a good head on her shoulders. She's a good mother, and she's a responsible woman who is maturing to make wiser decisions. In so doing, she is making a better life for herself and her daughters.
And these days, my graduate doesn't even care if people might call her a nerd!
When the Mother Earth News headline caught my eye, I had to buy the magazine. It read, "Save money with DIY Solar". I'm always interested in saving money, and I wouldn't mind doing a little more for the planet, as well. A day or so later, there was a story on the news about a local man who is self-sufficient. He uses alternative energies, including the running of his truck with a wood powered engine which he designed. The exhaust surprised me...there was very little of it as the truck made it's way across his farmland. Interesting! http://www2.wspa.com/lifestyles/2011/may/28/upstate-man-turns-wood-energy-ar-1900825/
I don't know much about Solar Energy systems. My husband is a bit more saavy, but I intend to educate myself. After all, we live in an area where the sun shines nearly all the time, why not harness it and put it to use? Alternative energy sources would help to relieve the stresses of power companies in meeting the needs of their customers. The sun can produce in excess of what our household would need and use, and it might be sold to power companies. I'm not sure how that works, but a little reading might inform me.
When we used to go to Pennsylvania, I took note that the Amish farms had old fashioned farm windmills which pumped water from their wells. That made good sense to me. Electricity,too, can be produced by wind power and stored.
Rain water can be gathered in tanks and used to water gardens. It doesn't rain often in our area, but in the Spring, a couple of days of rain would give us a full tank on each corner of the house, if we hooked the gutter leads to them. My husband talks often of his thoughts of a large tank set into the ground, and some sort of system that I don't understand, which would heat the water by solar, and run underground to the house. I wouldn't drink it, but it might work for laundry and showers.
The headline read 'DIY'...do it yourself. Um....I'm not sure about that ! Well, yes, I am. I have no doubt that my husband can figure it out, but how long would it take from start to finish? He's very precise in his doing, and it's done well when he's finished. But it he's not speedy! Would I live long enough to see the project finished and working? What would be the condition of the house/yard/roof etc while the project is underway?
I think I'll keep reading and passing the articles along to him, and we'll keep dreaming about the DIY part of it.
It's that time of year again... the time where the rain comes in very short stints, otherwise called 'scattered showers'. It's the season of beginning drought, the time when the sprinklers are running in order to keep the growing things a healthy green.
It is also the season where the thermometer has stopped it's severe fluctuation, and the mercury seems to have settled somewhere north of 80 degrees, even on the shady front porch. It's the weather that causes me to find a cool place inside the house where I can spend the majority of my time. It's sunny, hot and humid.
It is dilemna time, as well. How long can I take the heat before turning on the AC? Will the ceiling fans alone give me enough relief for awhile longer? Last year I was able to hold out using just the fans until July. It wasn't easy. I'm thinking that with temps already at 90 plus on some days, the electric air will be blowing through here far earlier. In any event, it will be turned on this weekend, I think, because we will have our family here for the holiday, and I want them to feel comfortable, especially since two of them have asthma!
I keep the thermostat set as high as I can that is comfortable. I do this because my husband hates air conditioning, and because if it's too cool inside, you really feel the heat when you go outside. It's like opening the oven door and getting smacked with a blast of hot air. Since my husband, who is always warmer than I am, likes to sit outside regardless of the temperatures, it's not so shocking to his system when he goes in or out.
I will admit it, I am thrifty and another reason to delay the use of the AC is that I'm concerned about the power bill. The electric bill will climb during the months the AC is on. I am conscious of this, but it's the price one has to pay for living with shorter winters. In our former home, we used window fans, and had many trees which kept the house cooler, but the humidity was killer! I'm glad that we have the option of cool comfort in the dog days of summer!
Am I psycic? I don't think so, I don't really believe in that stuff, but you've got to wonder every now and then when that old intuition comes along and niggles you about something, and then....something similar to what you were thinking, happens.
Yesterday morning I woke up, and after a few minutes, I had the thought, "It's Memorial Day weekend, I wonder what's going to happen in this family this year." I'm not a doom and gloom sort of person. In fact, I've actually been told that I'm 'an extreme optomist', a "Pollyanna" one who 'looks at life through rose-colored glasses." I guess that's the way I appear to others. I do try to keep a positive outlook, but at the same time, I'm a realist.
My question was prompted by the fact that we have had two deaths in the family on two different Memorial Day weekends. I'm not superstitious so I really wasn't expecting anything unusual, other than a visit from the kids. If you've read yesterday's entry, you know what happened. If you haven't read it, you'll have to do so, in order to find out what happened!
Over the years I've had other experiences where I've had 'a feeling' that I couldn't shake. Once was when we were packing our VW van with three little kids and stuff for a Thanksgiving trip to Ohio. I had the strong feeling that we shouldn't go. We'd been invited by a friend to join them for the holiday dinner, where he was living with his future inlaws. The first thing that happened on that trip was that we ran into a horrendous snow storm. We made it to the house, and were greeted by our friend's future mother in law, but it wasn't at all friendly or welcoming. It made me wonder if the poor woman had even been consulted about a family of five coming for a visit!
The first night we were there was extremely uncomfortable and tense. We went early to our room, which we shared with all of our babies. During the night, one of the children developed a cough. I thought it was due to the high and dry heat. She showed no signs of being sick. The next morning at breakfast we were informed, with icy words, that the coughing kept the lady of the house awake 'all night', and that we should take that child to the doctor. I assured her that the baby wasn't sick, and she picked up the phone and made an appointment for her doctor. After some private conversation with my husband, we made the decision to pack up and go back home. We were obviously in a situation where we not welcome and definitely uncomfortable.
The trip home, without going to the doctor, by the way, gave us an unexpected surprise. We stopped for gas where the man filling our tank noticed that we had a tire with it's threads showing through. After a check of the other tires, it was determined that we needed two new ones. We purchased those, and went on to complete our trip without incident. Had we not stopped at that place, I don't want to think about what might have happened with those bad treads! It was a Thanksgiving holiday without family, without friends, without even a turkey dinner!
When I get those 'feelings', I give them some thought. It doesn't always change my plans, but sometimes I guess it should! Have you ever had those moments of 'intuition' ?
There we were...weekend planned, shopping done, chicken thawed, beds made and tent up. Waiting for phone call to say, 'we're on the way and should arrive at ....." as usual. Waiting. The phone rang. Not daughter number 2, as I'd expectd. It was daughter number 3. "Good, it'll be a nice way to pass the time...but why is she calling at this hour of the morning? She should be working." I thought.
It wasn't long before I found out. In tears, she blubbered that her father had been admitted to the hospital with breathing problems. After I tried to comfort, and told her that worrying wouldn't help him OR her, our conversation was interrupted by a call she was receiving. "Call ya back, Mom!"
So now I found myself waiting more, for two phone calls from two daughters. While writing this, I realize that the phone rang continually all day long, and I cannot accurately relate who called when or called back when or in which order the calls came in. (You may want to get out your score cards at this point.) Suffice it to say that all four daughters called numerous times with individual updates and individual upsets. Daughters number three and four were making plans to fly to Florida, at the suggestion of their step mother. Daughter number one was scheduled to go north on Sunday to in-laws, where father in law is recuperating from a foot amputation. Daughter number two is cancelling our weekend plans and is waiting until she receives details on flights of daughters 3 and 4 before she decides how she will go to Florida and when. Daughter number 1 doesn't know whether to go forward with her original plans or to go south and be with her own father.
How many times today did I speak the words, "Try not to worry about your Dad. It won't help him OR you." I could have saved my breath, as no one who's worried listens to such advice anyway. When I wasn't on the phone with one daughter, I was speaking to another. When there was a short interval having just spoken to each one and hanging up, I quickly called our church prayer chain.
The phone rang again, almost as soon as I'd given the coordinator the prayer request. When that call was interrupted on the other end, I instructed that daughter to call on my cell. We had to go to the grocery store.
In the long run, Daughter number one is waiting until tomorrow and more information before she determines whether she'll go south or north for her vacation with one father or one father in law. Daughter number two left her husband home (a mutual choice) with the little girls. She took to the road in her car for the seven hour drive. Daughter three had to farm out her two daughters for the weekend, while she and number four would fly to Orlando in the early evening. Daughter number two would be there to pick them up at the airport when they arrived.
Whew...I'm tired after all those calls and plans. I've still got one more call to make or get this evening. When D.# 2 gets to the airport, she'll call me....if she doesn't, before I'm ready to go to bed, I should call her.
So, the chicken planned for 3 good eaters and 3 bird-like eaters, for dinner was grilled with summer squash and zucchini, and the large loaf of soft Italian type bread was crisped. We've eaten it, the two of us, with great appetites! The extra food bought for the weekend has been packed into the freezer and pantry. The tent sits in the sunporch and will not be occupied by our tiny little campers. It will wait.
I, too, will be waiting...for our next plan and visit together, but first I must wait for a phone call, for news of my little chicks safe arrival in Florida, for news of their father's condition, and for sleep, which surely will not elude me after this busy day.
The other day one of my granddaughters, the absolute middle-born one, had her fourteenth birthday. I can hardly believe she's already that old, and it brought up many memories. Her Mom lived with us during the waiting for her, and for seven years after that, so she's the granddaughter I know the most about.
I was present at her birth that morning. Her Mom had been in a good deal of pain since Friday night, and all day Saturday. Finally the doctors determined that she wasn't going to be born in the usual manner, and they would deliver her by C-section. A very tired Mama and a very weary Grammie, both who had little to no sleep at all since Friday, were much relieved to know that the waiting would soon be over. As my daughter was prepped for surgery, I was given a set of green 'scrubs' and a mask, and a cup of coffee. I dared not tell the nurses that I was dizzy with exhaustion, for fear that they wouldn't allow me to attend the birth.
A few minutes passed and I was taken into the operating room where I sat at the head of the table, next to my daughter's head. At 5:06 AM, that sweet 7 lb bundle was born She was wrapped in a little stocking cap and a flannel swaddling, and placed into my arms. Her Mommy shed tears as she said, "Mommy, a girl! I got my GIRL! We rejoiced in our moment of three generations, joined together by a powerful love and the miracle of birth.
While mother and daughter were taken away to have their individual treatments, I went back to the room to wait. I looked out at the Sabbath dawn and I was aware of a chorus of birds that seemed to be offering praise for this special day. I offered my own prayer of thanks to God who brought us this new little miracle. As I look back on that day, it remains in my heart as a very important memory...a wonderful time in my life.
On her birthday, when I woke to the sound of birds singing, the dawn was just breaking. I looked at the clock and it read 5:09 AM. My first thought that morning was of the little baby, now a beautiful young lady. I'm proud of her, and I love watching her grow to be whoever she is meant to be. I have no doubt that she will be as special then as she was on her first day.
