Chatting with a friend this morning, I was left with this question posed by him. " If there was someone that you knew that was a pillar in the community, but then charged with a terrible crime (pedophile), who then committed suicide before the trial or evidence was presented, would you then attend his viewing and/or funeral? "
That gives me pause for thought. Honestly, I don't know if I can come up with an answer. I've never been put into such a situation, but I will say this. I hate the issue of pedophilia. It's not just an 'issue', it's a dispicable act of sin. That being said, all sin is rather dispicable....and since all people are subject to some sort of act that displeases God (sin), it is up to Him to judge that sin or that person's behavior. It is not up to me.
I suppose the entire question about my attending the viewing or funeral would depend a lot on how well I know that particular person. I'm not especially fond of funerals, in general, and am most likely not to attend for the sake of attending, unless I'm very familiar with the person or their family. Family members of the dear departed one are comforted, somewhat, in knowing that they have the support of their friends as they grieve their loss. I know that is true for me. So, I guess my answer to the question would be, "The alleged crime would not keep me from attending his services, should I be very close to the family. Otherwise, I wouldn't be there anyway."
Hmmm...I wonder if my friend would be satisfied with my answer? I'm sure it's all a matter of personal preference, and this would be mine. I hope I never have to be in the position to find out what I'd do in such a situation.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
Can Never Go Home Again
It is said that you can 'never go home again.' It is true, I think. When you try to do so, you'll find that things are changed, never quite the same as they were.
This morning I read a friend's blog from earlier this month. He spoke of his childhood home, and the realization that he hasn't a single photo of that place. The house remains, as far as he knows, on the same property he played on as a child, but only his memories remain of the interior of the home itself.
On one of his trips to our hometown, he went to visit the old homestead, and though the owner was good enough to invite him to walk through, and things looked much the same inside the walls, it wasn't really 'home' anymore.
I felt a sadness in reading that entry. I think it's because it hit 'so close to home' for me. My childhood home was demolished, in its relative 'youth'. It was built in 1959 and added on to in the 1960's. It met its demise in the late 1990's, after being sold out of our family. Another house was built on the original, but expanded foundation. It looked nothing like the house with the four small bedrooms and two baths that I spent my teen years growing up in. I was able to walk through when construction was being completed. It had an open floor-plan, a fireplace, fewer and larger bedrooms. As pretty as that new house was, it was not 'home' anymore. I felt as if I'd lost a loved one.
I knew that same sadness when my grandmother's house was sold out of the family, but that still stands, and without too many changes to its old body. Yes, it has been renovated slightly and repairs have been made, but there isn't too much to complain about...except the yard. Grandpa's old shop was taken down. The old and beautiful lilac bushes were taken out, as were the other flowering plants. Rows of large, colorful bearded iris were removed too. And now, tall hedges hide the house from the street. Otherwise, the house is much the same.
My own home, which was where my children were reared, was sold when we moved south. I understand that nothing much was changed there, but that everything was painted white inside the house. The yard looked nearly the same when I was visiting my hometown 3 years ago, but I did see that the picket fence and some plants were gone from what was a large rose and lily garden on the side of the house. The large blue spruce trees that offered privacy were trimmed from the ground up, leaving a heavy topped tree, which I fear will cause the trees to break in strong winds or storm.
There is little one can do about these changes that come to our beloved homes. They belong to someone else now, and whatever it is that they do to make it 'theirs' is beyond our control. Still, we visit these places in our minds and memories. We walk across the wood floors. knowing just where they will creak. We wander in and out of rooms and see the wallpapers, and smell the offerings from the kitchen stove. We know every nook and cranny.
With or without the photos to remind us, we know what we know about our former homes. I think it best not to mingle the present with the past by physically visiting those buildings that housed us for so long. It causes us unrest and discomfort, because...you really can never go home again.
This morning I read a friend's blog from earlier this month. He spoke of his childhood home, and the realization that he hasn't a single photo of that place. The house remains, as far as he knows, on the same property he played on as a child, but only his memories remain of the interior of the home itself.
On one of his trips to our hometown, he went to visit the old homestead, and though the owner was good enough to invite him to walk through, and things looked much the same inside the walls, it wasn't really 'home' anymore.
I felt a sadness in reading that entry. I think it's because it hit 'so close to home' for me. My childhood home was demolished, in its relative 'youth'. It was built in 1959 and added on to in the 1960's. It met its demise in the late 1990's, after being sold out of our family. Another house was built on the original, but expanded foundation. It looked nothing like the house with the four small bedrooms and two baths that I spent my teen years growing up in. I was able to walk through when construction was being completed. It had an open floor-plan, a fireplace, fewer and larger bedrooms. As pretty as that new house was, it was not 'home' anymore. I felt as if I'd lost a loved one.
I knew that same sadness when my grandmother's house was sold out of the family, but that still stands, and without too many changes to its old body. Yes, it has been renovated slightly and repairs have been made, but there isn't too much to complain about...except the yard. Grandpa's old shop was taken down. The old and beautiful lilac bushes were taken out, as were the other flowering plants. Rows of large, colorful bearded iris were removed too. And now, tall hedges hide the house from the street. Otherwise, the house is much the same.
My own home, which was where my children were reared, was sold when we moved south. I understand that nothing much was changed there, but that everything was painted white inside the house. The yard looked nearly the same when I was visiting my hometown 3 years ago, but I did see that the picket fence and some plants were gone from what was a large rose and lily garden on the side of the house. The large blue spruce trees that offered privacy were trimmed from the ground up, leaving a heavy topped tree, which I fear will cause the trees to break in strong winds or storm.
There is little one can do about these changes that come to our beloved homes. They belong to someone else now, and whatever it is that they do to make it 'theirs' is beyond our control. Still, we visit these places in our minds and memories. We walk across the wood floors. knowing just where they will creak. We wander in and out of rooms and see the wallpapers, and smell the offerings from the kitchen stove. We know every nook and cranny.
With or without the photos to remind us, we know what we know about our former homes. I think it best not to mingle the present with the past by physically visiting those buildings that housed us for so long. It causes us unrest and discomfort, because...you really can never go home again.
Friday, March 1, 2013
MARCHING ON....
Here we are...marching on. We've made it through the winter months, and now have thoughts of Spring, with real hope in our hearts. As I type this, the daffodils are blooming, the tulips greens are up a good way out of the ground, the red bud trees are in blossom. We're looking forward to warmer weather and colorful gardens.
But for a moment, for this blog entry at least, I'll look back and fill you in on the events of the winter months. It's been somewhat of a challenge this year. The month of November found me in some ridiculous disagreement with a family member, which I hated, but due to us both being made of stubborness and strong opinions, we were at an impossible impass. I was informed in no uncertain terms that the other person would not be attending the holiday meals here at our house as is normally the case. I was hurt, but no matter what I said or did, things didn't change for the better, so I gave up and moved on.
Shortly after, my mother began to show some strange symptoms of numbness. Knowing that they could be associated with strokes or TIAs, I took her to the emergency room at one of our hospitals. It was flu season and the waiting rooms were backed up for hours with patients wearing masks, or not, slumped in chairs with expressions of misery on their faces. The first visit was an 11 hour wait until they determined from the CT scan that there was no stroke, no blockage, no TIA. No diagnosis at all.
Three days later, we were back in the emergency room for a 6 hour stay. Again, they told us that because the numbness was in face and hand, they would think it was a TIA, but because it was only seconds long, and they could find nothing on tests, she should take a baby aspirin and go back home, following up with her family doctor. Thus began an onslaught of blood tests, echo cardiogram, heart monitor, MRI, and anything else they could think of to find or rule out a condition. So far, we still don't have a diagnosis. However, one blood test showed very low levels of B12 vitamin, so Mom was put on a daily supplement.
Within a week or so, Mom was sleeping better, her mood was cheerful again, she'd lost the confusion I'd noticed in weeks before, and her color had returned. Apparently, she had been anemic, which had caused the gray complexion, the irrational attitudes and moods that were normally so unlike her. She was, in her words, 'worn out' but she couldn't sleep well. I had noticed the symptoms and knew 'something' was wrong, but hadn't put things together until the B12 was added. At that point, I googled 'B12 deficiency' and read several reports of symptoms. BINGO! I think I found the problem, and yet, when I asked the doctor if he thought that could have been the cause of it all, his answer was that he thought it was 'stress.' Siiiiiigh.
Mom is very strong,but for arthritic knees. Her heart is, apparently, strong and her blood chemicals are good. She's fairly easy-going, normally, lives a quiet...almost lonely....life. There is little to stress her out, but I do think that she was worrying about what was happening to her body and why no one had answers for her. Even the neurologist couldn't find anything wrong, except some imbalance in her gait, due to the knees. The very last thing was just the other day, when there was a stress test done with another echocardiogram. A good strong, healthy looking heart beats in that chest.
So, we've wound up the winter with no diagnosis, and Mom marches on toward the middle of this month when she will celebrate another year of life. I am so grateful for her and her presence with us. It is a real blessing to know that she is healthy, even if we have to visit every doctor in the area to find that out!
But for a moment, for this blog entry at least, I'll look back and fill you in on the events of the winter months. It's been somewhat of a challenge this year. The month of November found me in some ridiculous disagreement with a family member, which I hated, but due to us both being made of stubborness and strong opinions, we were at an impossible impass. I was informed in no uncertain terms that the other person would not be attending the holiday meals here at our house as is normally the case. I was hurt, but no matter what I said or did, things didn't change for the better, so I gave up and moved on.
Shortly after, my mother began to show some strange symptoms of numbness. Knowing that they could be associated with strokes or TIAs, I took her to the emergency room at one of our hospitals. It was flu season and the waiting rooms were backed up for hours with patients wearing masks, or not, slumped in chairs with expressions of misery on their faces. The first visit was an 11 hour wait until they determined from the CT scan that there was no stroke, no blockage, no TIA. No diagnosis at all.
Three days later, we were back in the emergency room for a 6 hour stay. Again, they told us that because the numbness was in face and hand, they would think it was a TIA, but because it was only seconds long, and they could find nothing on tests, she should take a baby aspirin and go back home, following up with her family doctor. Thus began an onslaught of blood tests, echo cardiogram, heart monitor, MRI, and anything else they could think of to find or rule out a condition. So far, we still don't have a diagnosis. However, one blood test showed very low levels of B12 vitamin, so Mom was put on a daily supplement.
Within a week or so, Mom was sleeping better, her mood was cheerful again, she'd lost the confusion I'd noticed in weeks before, and her color had returned. Apparently, she had been anemic, which had caused the gray complexion, the irrational attitudes and moods that were normally so unlike her. She was, in her words, 'worn out' but she couldn't sleep well. I had noticed the symptoms and knew 'something' was wrong, but hadn't put things together until the B12 was added. At that point, I googled 'B12 deficiency' and read several reports of symptoms. BINGO! I think I found the problem, and yet, when I asked the doctor if he thought that could have been the cause of it all, his answer was that he thought it was 'stress.' Siiiiiigh.
Mom is very strong,but for arthritic knees. Her heart is, apparently, strong and her blood chemicals are good. She's fairly easy-going, normally, lives a quiet...almost lonely....life. There is little to stress her out, but I do think that she was worrying about what was happening to her body and why no one had answers for her. Even the neurologist couldn't find anything wrong, except some imbalance in her gait, due to the knees. The very last thing was just the other day, when there was a stress test done with another echocardiogram. A good strong, healthy looking heart beats in that chest.
So, we've wound up the winter with no diagnosis, and Mom marches on toward the middle of this month when she will celebrate another year of life. I am so grateful for her and her presence with us. It is a real blessing to know that she is healthy, even if we have to visit every doctor in the area to find that out!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Middle of January Already???
Yes, it is the middle of January already! I can't believe it. It seems that we get less done since we've been retired than we did when we were both slaving away at our jobs. What's wrong with this picture?
Our Christmas trees are still up, as are most of the other decorations, but that's not unusual since we both like Christmas. I'm kind of thinking it's time to go,though. I was not particularly 'involved' in my favorite holiday this year for a dozen reasons. Mom had some sort of medical things that required a lot of doctors, tests and two trips to the ER. That took much time, not the least of which were the 17 hours total spent in those two ER visits. And, guess what? To date, we still have no reason for her symptoms, which have seemed to have disappeared!
Time really can get frittered away....or it just flies off into some spot where you can never retrieve it. There is much to do at all times, so why does so little get accomplished around here from week to week? (Truth is, too much computer time, reading blogs, exploring decorating, real estate, and craft websites, editing pictures, Facebook!)
So, here we are, nearly two weeks into the new year. I could have made a resolution to accomplish at least ONE thing per day, but as things go, I'd have probably broken that resolution. I guess I'll just have to see if I can lighten the load, cross things off the list that aren't that important, and focus on what is primary. Having said that, I've just re-started the Circle Letter and added a new pen pal to my to-do list. These are fun things for me...making new friends and keeping in touch with them and family.
Now I know, having written this entry, what the real truth is. There is a lack of time management and self-discipline in this house. Living in denial has gone on for too long, so now I must focus on reality and sign off to get something accomplished!
Our Christmas trees are still up, as are most of the other decorations, but that's not unusual since we both like Christmas. I'm kind of thinking it's time to go,though. I was not particularly 'involved' in my favorite holiday this year for a dozen reasons. Mom had some sort of medical things that required a lot of doctors, tests and two trips to the ER. That took much time, not the least of which were the 17 hours total spent in those two ER visits. And, guess what? To date, we still have no reason for her symptoms, which have seemed to have disappeared!
Time really can get frittered away....or it just flies off into some spot where you can never retrieve it. There is much to do at all times, so why does so little get accomplished around here from week to week? (Truth is, too much computer time, reading blogs, exploring decorating, real estate, and craft websites, editing pictures, Facebook!)
So, here we are, nearly two weeks into the new year. I could have made a resolution to accomplish at least ONE thing per day, but as things go, I'd have probably broken that resolution. I guess I'll just have to see if I can lighten the load, cross things off the list that aren't that important, and focus on what is primary. Having said that, I've just re-started the Circle Letter and added a new pen pal to my to-do list. These are fun things for me...making new friends and keeping in touch with them and family.
Now I know, having written this entry, what the real truth is. There is a lack of time management and self-discipline in this house. Living in denial has gone on for too long, so now I must focus on reality and sign off to get something accomplished!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Busy Time
Yes, I'm going to sound somewhat like a billion others at this time of year when I say, "I'm not ready for Christmas." Well, I truly am not.... mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially...I'm not ready for this holiday this year.
It's been a busy time. I've run behind in making my cards, so there won't be many sent. I may get a few sitting moments when I will send out some boxed ones, but I may not get that far. My decorating is simpler than most years...an evergreen garland over the archway to the dining room, a five foot tree in the living room, decorated with ornaments I've collected for 19 years for the grandkids. There's a 4 foot tree in the dining area, decorated with only ornaments from exchanges I've had with some gals in an online decorating site. The 7 foot tree is in the sunroom, this year bearing only angels, snow babies and snowflakes...in honor of the victims in Connecticut.
I was already running behind with shopping for gifts and for the gifts Mom would give, when she developed some health issues. Two visits to the ER in one week, amounting to a total of 17 hours within the walls of the hospital, no diagnosis yet, multiple tests run during the following 3 days, and two doctors visits, with another to come on Friday. That may not seem like much in the way of time, but the two ER visits kept us 'til the wee hours of the morning, and after each one, the next days I was good for nothing, having so little sleep.
Cleaning remains....some wrapping...some baking...menu planning for the week of Christmas family guests. I have three days before they arrive...and I'm going to have much busy time 'til then. Whether or not I'm ready....Christmas will come...and go. And this year, I will admit, I'll be ready to see it over and to go forward into the new year.
It's been a busy time. I've run behind in making my cards, so there won't be many sent. I may get a few sitting moments when I will send out some boxed ones, but I may not get that far. My decorating is simpler than most years...an evergreen garland over the archway to the dining room, a five foot tree in the living room, decorated with ornaments I've collected for 19 years for the grandkids. There's a 4 foot tree in the dining area, decorated with only ornaments from exchanges I've had with some gals in an online decorating site. The 7 foot tree is in the sunroom, this year bearing only angels, snow babies and snowflakes...in honor of the victims in Connecticut.
I was already running behind with shopping for gifts and for the gifts Mom would give, when she developed some health issues. Two visits to the ER in one week, amounting to a total of 17 hours within the walls of the hospital, no diagnosis yet, multiple tests run during the following 3 days, and two doctors visits, with another to come on Friday. That may not seem like much in the way of time, but the two ER visits kept us 'til the wee hours of the morning, and after each one, the next days I was good for nothing, having so little sleep.
Cleaning remains....some wrapping...some baking...menu planning for the week of Christmas family guests. I have three days before they arrive...and I'm going to have much busy time 'til then. Whether or not I'm ready....Christmas will come...and go. And this year, I will admit, I'll be ready to see it over and to go forward into the new year.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Where Does The Time Go?
Here it is...December 10 already! It appears that I've not written an entry here since November 15. Where does the time go???
I look at the tiny Christmas tree in the kitchen. It's covered with little ornaments received in several ornament exchanges with an online group I've been apart of. We have 2 Christmas exchanges per year, one in July and one starting in November. We each make a handmade ornament, and duplicate it, sending it to a list of women who are doing the same for me. Each of us receives as many ornaments as those we've made. It's great fun! No one knows who is making what until it arrives, and then we must keep silent, until everyone has received all their trinkets, at which time the organizer posts photos of everyone's treasures. This year, most of the 8 ornaments which came were snowmen of some type!
December is always a busy time...we have five family members with birthdays this month. On top of all the Christmas business, we must shop and make time for those! This year, I've been aware that I'm busier than usual. Not only have I collected ideas from family members, I've had to pass them back and forth to others, in order that everyone knows what someone else is hoping for. I've done all of Mom's shopping this year, because it's difficult for her, ...and some for my brother too. Next year he'll have to dream up his own ideas and shop for them. I'm overwhelmed this year, and each year things get more difficult to spend time in the stores, even though I typically buy things throughout the year.
I'm feeling somewhat 'Grinchy' about it! It's not Christmas, per se, but the extra activities I've taken on for those who can do it themselves, but don't want to. Well...I'll leave it at that.
We've had a few extra trips, out and about, because of dr visits and prescriptions. Sometimes there just seems to be too little time in a day or in a month. I'm so far behind...and I'm not happy about that, but I know from the past that this is something I feel every year about now. Important things always gets done, and what doesn't get done is not worth worrying about.
Christmas will soon be here and the family will gather here for our celebrations. It will all be over too soon, as most things do, because time just moves along whether we are ready or not. I don't know where time goes, but it certainly does!
I look at the tiny Christmas tree in the kitchen. It's covered with little ornaments received in several ornament exchanges with an online group I've been apart of. We have 2 Christmas exchanges per year, one in July and one starting in November. We each make a handmade ornament, and duplicate it, sending it to a list of women who are doing the same for me. Each of us receives as many ornaments as those we've made. It's great fun! No one knows who is making what until it arrives, and then we must keep silent, until everyone has received all their trinkets, at which time the organizer posts photos of everyone's treasures. This year, most of the 8 ornaments which came were snowmen of some type!
December is always a busy time...we have five family members with birthdays this month. On top of all the Christmas business, we must shop and make time for those! This year, I've been aware that I'm busier than usual. Not only have I collected ideas from family members, I've had to pass them back and forth to others, in order that everyone knows what someone else is hoping for. I've done all of Mom's shopping this year, because it's difficult for her, ...and some for my brother too. Next year he'll have to dream up his own ideas and shop for them. I'm overwhelmed this year, and each year things get more difficult to spend time in the stores, even though I typically buy things throughout the year.
I'm feeling somewhat 'Grinchy' about it! It's not Christmas, per se, but the extra activities I've taken on for those who can do it themselves, but don't want to. Well...I'll leave it at that.
We've had a few extra trips, out and about, because of dr visits and prescriptions. Sometimes there just seems to be too little time in a day or in a month. I'm so far behind...and I'm not happy about that, but I know from the past that this is something I feel every year about now. Important things always gets done, and what doesn't get done is not worth worrying about.
Christmas will soon be here and the family will gather here for our celebrations. It will all be over too soon, as most things do, because time just moves along whether we are ready or not. I don't know where time goes, but it certainly does!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
SONGS IN THE NIGHT
I have a friend who was going through a really difficult time in her life. She was a 'praying woman', and she cried out to God in her distress. She came to a point where she felt she'd been given a promise from Him, that He would give her 'songs in the night.'
Her life went on and she saw her share of struggles as it did, but she also saw some joys, as do most of us do. Moving toward her seventies, she found herself in a place where divorce loomed over her. No breaking up of a marriage is pleasant, and this seemed to be a particularly sad and hurtful time. Her friends were supportive of her and we tried to encourage. We couldn't, however, take the pain away. We just had to wait with her, pray for her, for her to find her healing.
In not-much-time, what seemed to be 'too quickly', a new man entered her life. We,her friends, were concerned about a 'rebound' relationship and one that might bring her even more suffering. However, we didn't know this man. We listened to her talking about him, and he almost seemed to be too good to be true. I think we feared that she, like so many of us do, couldn't see anything through the rose colored glasses. We got to see through those spectacles ourselves, hearing her words. He 'doted on her', he seemed to be most pleased to please her. Having a husband much like that myself, I could see how it would be possible for a man to do that for a woman. Still, we had reservations. I don't think any of us spoke negatively about this relationship, but I think we all gave our loving 'warning' to be careful.
The heart does not have ears ...only a voice. Our friend was listening only to the voice in her heart. Soon we heard her news, she and her new guy were making plans to marry! Perhaps we questioned the wisdom of such a swift move. Maybe we were sincerely worried that this was a mistake. However, she sounded so happy, so peaceful, more so than we'd ever known her to be in the years we'd known her. And so, we gave her our congratulations, our sincere wishes that she would be very happy in her new life with her Mr.Wonderful.
Now, the years have passed. My friend is still as happy as she seemed to be at the beginning of her relationship with him. They appear to have a loving and firm relationship, built on the idea of making each other happy and sharing their days together. I, for one, am over-joyed for them, and I'm glad that my worries and concerns were in vain.
Thinking about all of it this morning, I came to realize that God kept His promise,as He always does. It was a bit slow in appearing, but at the darkest time in her life, God brought a partner who brought her love like she'd never known. This man was truly her 'song in the night'.
Her life went on and she saw her share of struggles as it did, but she also saw some joys, as do most of us do. Moving toward her seventies, she found herself in a place where divorce loomed over her. No breaking up of a marriage is pleasant, and this seemed to be a particularly sad and hurtful time. Her friends were supportive of her and we tried to encourage. We couldn't, however, take the pain away. We just had to wait with her, pray for her, for her to find her healing.
In not-much-time, what seemed to be 'too quickly', a new man entered her life. We,her friends, were concerned about a 'rebound' relationship and one that might bring her even more suffering. However, we didn't know this man. We listened to her talking about him, and he almost seemed to be too good to be true. I think we feared that she, like so many of us do, couldn't see anything through the rose colored glasses. We got to see through those spectacles ourselves, hearing her words. He 'doted on her', he seemed to be most pleased to please her. Having a husband much like that myself, I could see how it would be possible for a man to do that for a woman. Still, we had reservations. I don't think any of us spoke negatively about this relationship, but I think we all gave our loving 'warning' to be careful.
The heart does not have ears ...only a voice. Our friend was listening only to the voice in her heart. Soon we heard her news, she and her new guy were making plans to marry! Perhaps we questioned the wisdom of such a swift move. Maybe we were sincerely worried that this was a mistake. However, she sounded so happy, so peaceful, more so than we'd ever known her to be in the years we'd known her. And so, we gave her our congratulations, our sincere wishes that she would be very happy in her new life with her Mr.Wonderful.
Now, the years have passed. My friend is still as happy as she seemed to be at the beginning of her relationship with him. They appear to have a loving and firm relationship, built on the idea of making each other happy and sharing their days together. I, for one, am over-joyed for them, and I'm glad that my worries and concerns were in vain.
Thinking about all of it this morning, I came to realize that God kept His promise,as He always does. It was a bit slow in appearing, but at the darkest time in her life, God brought a partner who brought her love like she'd never known. This man was truly her 'song in the night'.
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